What No One Tells You About a Knockout—Until You Experience It Yourself

Last Saturday, I was knocked out for the first time in my entire life, after 30 years in martial arts. I had always thought it would be mentally crushing, but now I understand there’s a long list of other things involved that I had no idea about before.

Winning in mixed martial arts is rarely easy, as the preparation is so multifaceted and the lifestyle extremely demanding. The act of winning itself, however, is a very pleasant and in a way easy feeling to experience internally, the mood lifts immediately once you become aware of it, but the feeling also fades minute by minute.

Losing, on the other hand, is for some a very painful and shameful place, one we retreat into alone to process and gather our emotions and thoughts. A loss begins to unfold more and more minute by minute after the event, especially after a knockout.

I was knocked out by one of the best fighters in Finland after clearly being ahead following the first round. After everything that followed, the encouraging messages from strangers, a fairly decent fight purse, increased book sales driven by marketing, and new sponsors. I can say without the slightest doubt that this has possibly been one of the best experiences of my life.

All in all, what happened is actually something that many top-level fighters eventually go through but almost no one truly understands it until they experience it themselves.

A clean knockout strips the experience down to something very raw and honest. There is no ambiguity, no judging controversies, no “what if” thinking. It forces a certain kind of clarity that even winning often doesn’t provide. And this clarity is most likely the reason the experience unfolded the way it did: first shock, then isolation, and eventually a slow expansion of meaning.

I also began to notice something that many fighters rarely put into words: winning is not easy, but processing it is simple. It feels good, but it doesn’t necessarily teach at the same depth. Winning reinforces. Losing especially by knockout, reveals. It continues to provide insight long after the fight has ended. Most meaningful of all, however, was the respect from my opponent and many others.

Thank you.

@shotbyonni